Wednesday 24 December 2014

A poem for Christmas Eve

One Christmas Eve, a few years ago now, I happened to be kneeling at the end of the bench in church and could see down the aisle to the crib, which was set up under the altar.
An image of the real stable came into my mind along with the first line of this poem, which just seemed to grow from there.

The Stable

I saw the straw
Rough trodden, dirty brown upon the floor
Of the stable.

My eyes would rise
No further, saw the manger where he lies
The newborn child.

They meet to greet
Their Saviour, who has come into a world
Made numb with fear,
Yet peace is here.

And we shall see
That all our lives are waiting for this child
Though meek and mild
Our Lord and Love 
And life is He.

PS
Yesterday morning, Tuesday 6th January, the feast of The Epiphany, I sang this poem to a tune which, rather like the poem itself, just seemed to flow from the words.
I recorded it on video and hope to have it on U-tube (with the assistance of son no.2) for anyone who would like to hear it. My user-name is jansinging and I called it 'A carol for Epiphany'.





Wednesday 3 December 2014

About three special lives: Part 2


Our little grandson, Dominic, was born with a metabolic disorder and died when he was 11 months old, having spent the last few weeks of his life on a ventilator.
When we visited him on the morning of the day he died, he was lying in the middle of a water-bed which the hospital had hired to make him more comfortable, which was so moving. 
When he died, the doctor and nurses were visibly upset and had tears in their eyes. I will always treasure the great privilege I had of holding him while the nurses helped me to put on his special clothes.
All that effort for one small baby boy surely shows the true value of all human life.

My abiding thought about Dominic's life was that through every second of it, he was loved, cherished and treasured. How many people can say that, no matter how long they live.

He's always remembered; his photo hangs on our walls, precious memories of a most beloved child.

Monday 3 November 2014

About three precious lives: Part 1

I have two close friends who had profoundly disabled children, one a daughter, Vicky, who died aged 15, and one a son, Jeff, who died aged 51.
Vicky never spoke a word and spent most of her life in a wheelchair. She gazed out at the world with serious eyes, probably because she had very low muscle-tone and couldn't easily smile, but if her great-grandad (one of her favourite people) arrived, her face would light up as her eyes followed him across the room.  
Jeff had the smile of an angel. He would beam at everyone who passed him as he sat in his chair during the happy days he spent at the centre for adults with learning disabilities. It is nearly 10 years since he died but the two hats, one of which was on his head from morning till night, still adorn his mother's armchair. It was 4 years before she was able to part with his single bed which lay beside hers.
My image of Vicky, when she died, was that she had exchanged her wheelchair for a trapeze and was swinging above the clouds and laughing with the angels - and with her great-grandad of course.

I never saw more love bestowed on two human beings than I saw showered upon these two beautiful people.
Of course there are difficulties and sorrows. Maybe you don't realise at the beginning that you're taking on a life-long commitment (maybe that's as well); maybe you do know and feel scared and wonder if and how you'll cope.
All I know is that the people I've met who are in that situation would all say that their lives had been immeasurably blessed by their loved one. Jeff's mum gave the greatest example of love I've ever heard. She said that if someone had told her when Jeff was 7, that there'd been a mix-up at birth and presented her with a perfectly healthy boy, she'd say, "Oh no, we wouldn't part with Jeff now".
May all the world learn to see all human life in this light.


Tuesday 28 October 2014

About discouragement, encouragement and climbing 'Dent'

When we look up the mountain and feel disheartened by how far we have to go,
we should try to remember to look down and see how far we've come.

I first remember this thought coming to me in these words many years ago, but usually only remember it when talking to someone else who is discouraged about something in particular.

It puts me in mind of climbing 'Dent', the hill which overlooked the small town where my dad grew up. When we made our magical first family visit, we were taken on  a Sunday afternoon outing to 'climb', or rather stroll up Dent, as it was known locally.

Well what a disappointment; what looked beautiful from afar was boring and endless in reality. Every time we reached one hilltop, it was to find another stretched above! We certainly didn't make the summit that day and I never have. (Will I before I die? I really don't know. My cousins have done it probably many times but they live there.)

Life does seem to be like that at times; one endless summit after another. When we feel downhearted about our failings and failures, we need a friend who will lift our our spirits by saying, "but look at what you have achieved in ..............". This can make all the difference and can help us to look at things in a different way, far more positively.

So, in moments of discouragement, we should try to do this for ourselves and we should also remember that sometimes there really is a summit that we can reach and an amazing view that makes the climb worth all the effort.


About endings and new beginnings

Sometimes it seems 
that something has to die
before something new 
can be born in its place.
                          
This seems so sad but it does seem to be true.
In one of David Attenborough's amazing wildlife series, the total destruction brought about by forest fires was actually shown to be nature's way of purging and purifying the land so that new and better growth could occur.
I remember being very struck by that.

A book I read some years ago described how the troubles in Liverpool between Catholics and Protestants, which were at one time very similar to those in N. Ireland, were never the same after the Second World War, perhaps because the bombs had fallen on everyone irrespective of their religion and everyone had suffered together. How strange that from the horror and devastation of war can come new and better ways of life.

It does actually help me to see that from the tragedies and seeming failures of life, I can often look back and realise that new and better things have come. I do wonder though why it has to be that way. Why do we never seem to learn except by the hard way? Perhaps that's just the way we humans are.

May all of us find the courage to hang on in there through the bad times, always believing that all things pass and that good will always defeat evil, however long it takes.


Friday 3 October 2014

About making mistakes

My patience in persevering with the television series "The Paradise" paid off in one particular respect. It was to hear this line more than once; "Let us not dwell on our mistakes; let us learn from them". I know that this is not the most original statement ever made but for some reason or other it resonated with me at that time.

To be human is to make mistakes; to dwell on them is is not only fruitless but destructive, leading, as it does so easily, to feelings of inadequacy, despondency and the like. To acknowledge, accept and learn from our failures is to turn the negative into the positive, an opportunity for growth.

This is all very well in theory of course, but the reality, in my case and maybe for others too, is that I still react very badly to making mistakes because I have this irrational fear of being 'told off'; no doubt a throw-back from childhood. I like to hope/think I'm not alone in this but I can always hope that occasionally I may remember the advice!

(PS Another scrap of paper bites the dust! Yesss!)

Tuesday 26 August 2014

About snippets and fragments

It is now over two years since I wrote my first blog post (and nearly eight months since the second!!)
I spoke of all the thoughts that I've wanted to share for as long as I can remember.
Many of them have been jotted down on scraps of paper and some in lovely notebooks given as presents on Mother's day and the like.
These two lovely words 'snippets' and 'fragments' seem to describe my jottings, both literally and metaphorically. Little by little, I'm hoping to work through the scraps of paper in order to remove the 'literary litter' of my life.
It's been a joy to finally feel I can send these 'messages in an e-bottle' out to who knows whom.
Here, I want to admit that most nights, before I go to bed, I look at my post views and it's amazing to see that, let's say last night, the number had gone up from 727 the night before to 757. I don't know if that's a lot or a little but it means a lot to me.
To those of you who have read any or all of my snippets and fragments I'd like to say thank you. Although I don't know you and you don't know me, we've made a connection and that, for me, is both a great privilege and such a pleasure.
 .

Monday 25 August 2014

About self-worth

If we don't believe in ourselves, we are a pain in the neck, both to ourselves and to other people.
We should look around and realise that no-one is perfect and learn to live with with our own imperfections.

If we are constantly aware of them, constantly comparing ourselves to others (one of my worst failings), it is wearing and self-obsessive.


(This was another of my 'snippets and fragments' on a scrap of paper which can now be assigned to the bin; hooray!)


Friday 22 August 2014

About "Everyone suddenly burst(ing) out singing"


This is (very nearly) the first line of my favourite poem in all the world. Its words leapt off the page of our school poetry book and into my mind and heart where they have remained ever since. It was written by Siegfried Sassoon in 1919 after he had come through the First World War and is from his Collected War Poems.
I offer it here, now, in memory of the horror, in respect and admiration for those who lived through it and in deepest sorrow for those who died and for all who suffered in any way.

                Everyone Sang

Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields; on - on - and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun:
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away ... O, but Everyone
Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.



My mother was born in 1914 and, maybe for that reason, that date has always seemed even more significant to me and has perhaps brought home more fully the reality of the outbreak of that terrible war.

I love this poem for the beauty and joy - and the hope - which suffuse its imagery and transcend that horror and always will, or so I choose to believe.


Thursday 7 August 2014

An afterthought on being the parent of someone with a learning disability

There is one line which doesn't ring true when I re-read my last post. It is this:

' To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.'

At the time, I was trying to encourage the couple for whom I wrote the words, but as I read it now, I hear myself saying, as others might, who may happen to read it, "That's bunk. It happened to us and there was nothing special about us at all. We were just ordinary people thrown in at the deep end".

This is, of course, the truth. Some people know straight away that their baby has a disability. For others, it is a slowly dawning realisation. However it happens, the strength and the wisdom and all the other necessary attributes required to deal with the situation almost always come very slowly as we cope from day to day. My 'special' son came into my life fully, aged eight, when I married his dad. To say that our relationship has developed along a very long, slow learning curve would be to put it mildly.

He has been through special school education, a special college course and, in recent years, local authority day service provision, all of which have been excellent. During this time, we have met and come to know many other people in our situation and have never seen anything but the deepest love of parents, families and friends - and staff - for their special person/people. The very nature of the needs of our loved ones seems to draw out this love from us all, despite the tremendous struggles with which many have to deal. Most carers don't even seem to notice these struggles; they just 'get on with it'.

We both feel that we are better people through having a son with special needs in our lives and he has been a blessing and joy to all who know him; this, even though he bosses us about and keeps us on the straight and narrow (or, rather, tries to). (This is only a partial joke!)

Perhaps the truth is that as you learn to cope and deal with your own uniquely individual special one, you grow and find within yourself the love and strength to become the person you need to be. We hope we have.



Sunday 3 August 2014

About being told that the baby you're expecting has .............

..... a higher than normal chance of having ...........(one of many possible problems).

This happened to a couple that we know well.
They were told that their baby had a high risk of having Downs Syndrome. The figures given were 1 in 115, while the normal risk is 1 in 10,000.
However, the risk of a miscarriage as a result of having the test to confirm Downs was even higher. They chose not to have the test.

These were the thoughts that came to me when I was told of their situation.

To be given a baby to be a parent to, is an amazing gift.
To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.
Should that special gift be given to you, as it was to us, and you maybe feel you may not be up to the task, believe me, the grace and strength you need will be given to you.
We would honestly say that being given the privilege of having our special person in our lives has been one of the greatest gifts that life has given us. Whatever we may have been called upon to give to him has been matched and surpassed by the joy that we have received in return. 

I hoped that the message would help that couple.
(Their baby was completely ok, as was the case for another couple we know who had the same experience.)

If anyone who reads this is in the same situation, I can only hope that it might be of some help and encouragement.


Wednesday 2 July 2014

A very short postscript on the biscuits

One thing I forgot to mention is that, quite honestly, those I've made don't look anything like those in the packets, in fact, they look a bit messy; but, as Delia always says, it's the taste that matters and that was great.

If you try them, your efforts might look much better than mine but mainly, I hope you love the taste. xx




Wednesday 25 June 2014

A very easy Digestive Biscuit Recipe

Ingredients:              (These amounts make about 24 biscuits)

1. 4oz / 100g  wholemeal self-raising flour
2. 4oz / 100g  self-raising flour
3. A pinch of salt
4. 5oz / 150g  spread    
5. 4oz / 100g  caster sugar  
6. Flour for dusting

Method:

    1. Mix the flours and salt in a bowl.  
 
    2. Add the spread and sugar and work together to form a dough.
                
    3. Knead into a ball and wrap in cling film. Chill for 30 minutes.

    4. Roll out thinly on a lightly floured board and cut into rounds using a 3in ./ 7.5cm cutter.

    5. Place on lightly greased baking sheets and prick with a fork.

    6, Bake in a preheated oven at 180*C (160* Fan oven) / 350*F / gas mark 4 for 20 minutes until golden.

    7. Leave to cool for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
        Store in an airtight container.

To turn these into the 'ultimate treat!, try this:

    8. Melt 100g chocolate and spread over the biscuits and leave to cool and set.
       (I break the chocolate into pieces and place on an enamel plate over a pan of boiling water.)

PS  I use 'Pure' olive or sunflower spread, available from Tesco or Asda, which is very nice tasting, easy to use and dairy-free (good for me).

PPS  I'd really like to encourage everyone to try using the old measurements, ozs etc. The numbers (and ratios, if you wish to change amounts) are so much easier (because they are smaller and easier to remember) and if more people use them, there'll be more chance of these far more sensible units surviving, or at least still being given on recipes together with the metric units.

If you try them, I do hope you like them as much as I do, and find them as easy to make.                              
Acknowledgement:
This recipe is taken from DAIRY-FREE LACTOSE-FREE DIET PLAN FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS'
                                    by Carolyn Humphries            
This is an excellent book which I can highly recommend.


Monday 16 June 2014

About making 'Chocolate Digestives' for the first time! / Plus some hints on fighting binge-eating.

I can't tell you the excitement I felt when, one Sunday morning a few weeks ago, I melted my dairy-free (that meant I could eat it) chocolate and successfully coated the biscuits I'd made the day before. Half a bar (100 g) covered 24 of them; WHAT JOY!

In my days of binge-eating (more on that another day, perhaps) I could eat a whole packet of the 'proper' ones, so to have these as my home-made Sunday treat was more than a bonus.

(The biscuit recipe is a doddle so I'll add it on another post, in case anyone wants to try it.)

The extra bonus is that I've extended my Sunday treat rule to include Bank Holidays and added two pieces of chocolate after lunch and in the evening. For recovering binge-eaters like myself, what seems to work for me is that if I give myself 'permission' to have something, I'm not then tempted to go into the "I've done something wrong" (eating-wise) mode so the 'in for a penny, in for a pound' self-destructive mode has not been going into operation.

I never say never again but this latest phase has been the most successful of my entire life and has lasted about 6 years or longer. I'm as near to being a 'sylph' (and that's a long way off) as I'm ever likely to be!

So home-made chocolate digestives have become a regular, and, I'm pleased to say, very popular Sunday treat with us all (but most especially with me - Sunday treat heaven!!)!


Sunday 15 June 2014

A postscript on 'The Messiness of Life'

I was checking what I'd written on this when the phrase, 'most of us are muddling our way through', struck me. How can I write this? I don't know how others feel. I'm just surmising, assuming - and hoping - that others feel as I do. Wrong; I can't do that, can I.

So I decided to consult the oracle, ie husband!
"Do you feel muddled?" "No!" "Well why didn't you say?" (I had read it to him first on this occasion.) "I didn't like to". (Well that's a turn up for the books; he's usually more than ready, tactfully, of course (I don't think) to point out where I'm going wrong!)
Anyway, don't tell him, but he wouldn't know if he was muddled; and if he did, it wouldn't bother him!

However, I do feel that I need to re-phrase my comments.
Should it be 'many of us' or 'some of us'? Is it a female tendency?

Whatever the answer, I'm still really hoping that it's not just me.
If it is, I'm in trouble!




Wednesday 11 June 2014

About reprogramming the brain (i.e. learning to stop rinsing my teeth!!)

On a recent visit to the dentist, I learned, by the by, that rinsing after brushing my teeth with fluoride toothpaste (which is, apparently, ALL toothpaste) is a 'bad thing'. It washes off the fluoride which is supposed to protect them!
But how to stop doing it?! A twice-a-day (tooth)life habit is hard to break, I've found. After three or four days, I was managing to remember about half the time. Even though I might have thought about not doing it beforehand, I'd still find I'd done the deed before I'd realised.

How much of our lives is operated on 'automatic pilot'? How many journeys to work have we made and then thought, "how on earth have I got here!?"

Maybe the present interest in 'Mindfulness' is good but I reckon I should be aiming for some 'mindlessness'. I'm sure my mind is so overfull of 'all-sorts', that there's no room left for being aware of what I'm actually doing. If I manage to work on that, it should, if nothing else, help to make my teeth last longer!

PS This is in appreciation of my very nice dentist and his assistants, for all they've done over the years to keep my teeth on the dental straight and narrow.


Saturday 7 June 2014

An attempt at a poem on Time.

Many years ago, while sitting in the college library,
trying to work but mostly looking through the window,
this fragment of a poem came to me.
I've never been able to complete it satisfactorily, but maybe, that is the poem, just as it is.

Because I still like it, I suppose, (and remember it), I would like to add it as a PS to the post on the passing of time.

                            TIME

       Time, for me, is measured in clouds,
                   Leaves on trees,
        Waiting for the telephone to ring.

        Coffee time, break time, tea time;
  Letting down hems on the children's clothes.



Thursday 5 June 2014

About housework (1) Jan's two golden rules


1. DO THE BITS THAT SHOW FIRST!

2. TIDYING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN CLEANING!

Now you might be thinking, why is she writing about something so basic.
If so, this isn't for you.
However, if, like me, housework doesn't come naturally to you, these basic guidelines might be a help.

For those of you who, along with me, struggle to keep on top of all the things which conspire to make our homes messy, untidy and (perish the thought and don't look too carefully, and whisper the words) dirty and dusty, I d love to share the tips that help me to stay afloat and will expand on them another time for anyone who may be interested.


About the passing of time

I scribbled this thought on a scrap of paper while on a train journey,
looking through the window.

FROM THE PRESENT TO THE PAST VIA THE FUTURE

It is sometimes said that 'time marches on',
but does it actually march
or does it rather slide, unnoticed, past the events of our daily lives.

All of a sudden, seemingly,
what was huge and all-consuming 
in the present moment
is in the past.

Was that 
a year,
two years,
ten years ago,
we say?

Yes, it was;
and here we are now, in today.


Tuesday 27 May 2014

About the messiness of life

            Life can be messy and unfair 
and most of us are just muddling our way through it,
       despite appearances to the contrary.

                It is so easy to think 
                that everyone else is
                  'getting it right'
         but this is probably rarely true.

       It helps me to remind myself of this 
           especially when I'm thinking
                    it's just me.


Monday 12 May 2014

About billionaires and food-banks

I feel absolutely sickened to be a part of a society where I'm told that we have more billionaires per head of population than any other country and yet we're taking tins of food to church each week for the local food-bank.
.
What is going on? Someone, somewhere knows the answer. It's completely wrong.

Another night when I don't feel so tired, I'll write more about this.
I just wanted to register this today.


Wednesday 30 April 2014

Thoughts on driving

I wrote  these down when one of our children passed the driving test.
I've never done anything with them or shown them to anyone and the piece of paper on which I wrote them has become tattier by the day, so here goes.
I'll share them with you and then I can throw the paper away.
Maybe they are possible guidelines.

1. IF IN DOUBT, DON'T!

2. ALWAYS DRIVE WITHIN YOURS - AND THE CAR'S - CAPACITY.

3. ALWAYS MAKE ALLOWANCES FOR OTHERS' MISTAKES - AND YOUR OWN!

4. REMEMBER YOU ARE DRIVING A LETHAL WEAPON!

5. DRINK - OR DRIVE - NEVER BOTH!!

6. NEVER DRIVE TOO FAST FOR THE SITUATION.

7. ALWAYS BE IN CONTROL OF THE CAR - DON'T LET THE CAR BE IN CONTROL OF YOU!

Saturday 26 April 2014

An Afterthought on Us

Perhaps Pilate is 'Everyman' and his guilt represents the guilt of us all as we 'stand on the sidelines', 'sit on the fences', 'keep our heads below the parapets' and 'hide under the radar' of life. (Look how many metaphors we have for everything that those phrases represent.)
How many of us can put our hands up and say, "Not I, surely, Lord"; certainly I can't.
It is Jesus who struggles up the hill of hatred, carrying the weight of our guilt and bearing the full punishment for it, and yet, even as he dies, is still able to find the strength to show his unshakeable love for us all and to forgive us and all humanity, then, down through all the ages and for all time.

PS I remember reading, quite some years ago now, a poem by John Dunne, which began "Spit in my face, ye Jews" which might be of interest to some people.

Thursday 24 April 2014

A postscript on Pilate

I feel dissatisfied and annoyed with myself for the postscript I added to my last post, and yet I wanted to add something. It did, however, set me thinking again about that scenario. Why was it that Jesus didn't speak to Herod and why did he speak to Pilate?
I'm sure, in the first case, it was because he knew it would have been a complete waste of time. There would have been nothing he could have said to Herod that would have had any effect on his closed mind.
It is, perhaps, more intriguing to consider why he spoke to Pilate and why he answered his questions. It must have been because he saw in him something real - something that could be reached and Jesus would never fail to respond to that in any human being.
We know that it had no effect on the final fate of Jesus but I wonder how it affected Pilate in his life thereafter. His wife had tried to to warn him against condemning Jesus but he was trapped by his own weakness and all the water in the world could never wash away that guilt from his hands.
Maybe the interplay between them, Jesus, the victim, apparently powerless, yet wholly innocent, strong, dignified, unatraid; Pilate, seemingly powerful and yet powerless to follow his conscience and free Jesus, was enough to eventually produce a redemptive change in his life.
One thing we can say is that , as I once heard someone comment, Pilate is the only other human being, apart from Mary, the mother of Jesus, to be mentioned in the Christian Creed because, by his actions, he became an instrument in the Redemption of all Humanity.


Thursday 17 April 2014

A Poem for Holy Week

These words began to form in my mind quite some years ago.
It concerns Jesus after his arrest when he is brought before King Herod and then the Roman Governor, Pontius Pilate.

                        ONLY SILENCE

                  He didn't speak to Herod,
                  But for Pilate there were answers;
                  One, of his own race, a king,
                  And one, the hated foreign ruler.

                  We may wonder why this silence 
                  for the one and not the other.

                  May we learn when not to answer
                  Is the wiser path to follow.
                  When the hearer doesn't listen
                  Only silence speaks our truth.  

Why is it that we can see these things, and even write poems about them, but not be able to follow our own advice or, even more so, the example of Jesus? Still learning, I suppose.
 

Tuesday 1 April 2014

About "In Time", a poem by Robert Graves


AboutWhen I was younger, Robert Graves was one of my favourite poets and this was one of his poems that I specially loved.

                                              IN TIME
                       In time, all undertakings are made good,
                       All cruelties remedied,
                       Each bond resealed more firmly than before-
                       Befriend us, Time, Love's gaunt executer!

I love the brevity, the spareness of thought, the encapsulation of so much in so little.

I would love to think that it was true and maybe it is, 'sometimes', but in the light of my last post perhaps I would add, if not 'in time', then, from my perspective, most certainly 'beyond time', it will be true.


Sunday 26 January 2014

About the next life.

The only thing which makes sense of this world, for me, is belief in the next.
Otherwise, there is too much unresolved grief and pain.

       The next world is where
              all truth is told,
              all injustice righted,
              all love requited.
    If it is so, as I believe it is, then
                ...so be it.


Thursday 2 January 2014

A thought this morning

I woke early this morning and this thought came, unbidden and fully formed, into my mind.

Belief in God is the peg on which I hang my life.

Having been unable to locate the 'blogosphere' since August 2012 (not knowing the right buttons to press) and being sorted out by husband and son no.1 yesterday evening, I feel brave enough to send it out as post no.2.

Given the verbal  ping-pong it took to come up with the by-line, perhaps it s an apt mantra.
Hope so, anyway.