An afterthought on being the parent of someone with a learning disability

There is one line which doesn't ring true when I re-read my last post. It is this:

' To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.'

At the time, I was trying to encourage the couple for whom I wrote the words, but as I read it now, I hear myself saying, as others might, who may happen to read it, "That's bunk. It happened to us and there was nothing special about us at all. We were just ordinary people thrown in at the deep end".

This is, of course, the truth. Some people know straight away that their baby has a disability. For others, it is a slowly dawning realisation. However it happens, the strength and the wisdom and all the other necessary attributes required to deal with the situation almost always come very slowly as we cope from day to day. My 'special' son came into my life fully, aged eight, when I married his dad. To say that our relationship has developed along a very long, slow learning curve would be to put it mildly.

He has been through special school education, a special college course and, in recent years, local authority day service provision, all of which have been excellent. During this time, we have met and come to know many other people in our situation and have never seen anything but the deepest love of parents, families and friends - and staff - for their special person/people. The very nature of the needs of our loved ones seems to draw out this love from us all, despite the tremendous struggles with which many have to deal. Most carers don't even seem to notice these struggles; they just 'get on with it'.

We both feel that we are better people through having a son with special needs in our lives and he has been a blessing and joy to all who know him; this, even though he bosses us about and keeps us on the straight and narrow (or, rather, tries to). (This is only a partial joke!)

Perhaps the truth is that as you learn to cope and deal with your own uniquely individual special one, you grow and find within yourself the love and strength to become the person you need to be. We hope we have.