About snippets and fragments

It is now over two years since I wrote my first blog post (and nearly eight months since the second!!)
I spoke of all the thoughts that I've wanted to share for as long as I can remember.
Many of them have been jotted down on scraps of paper and some in lovely notebooks given as presents on Mother's day and the like.
These two lovely words 'snippets' and 'fragments' seem to describe my jottings, both literally and metaphorically. Little by little, I'm hoping to work through the scraps of paper in order to remove the 'literary litter' of my life.
It's been a joy to finally feel I can send these 'messages in an e-bottle' out to who knows whom.
Here, I want to admit that most nights, before I go to bed, I look at my post views and it's amazing to see that, let's say last night, the number had gone up from 727 the night before to 757. I don't know if that's a lot or a little but it means a lot to me.
To those of you who have read any or all of my snippets and fragments I'd like to say thank you. Although I don't know you and you don't know me, we've made a connection and that, for me, is both a great privilege and such a pleasure.

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About self-worth

If we don't believe in ourselves, we are a pain in the neck, both to ourselves and to other people.
We should look around and realise that no-one is perfect and learn to live with with our own imperfections.

If we are constantly aware of them, constantly comparing ourselves to others (one of my worst failings), it is wearing and self-obsessive.


(This was another of my 'snippets and fragments' on a scrap of paper which can now be assigned to the bin; hooray!)

About "Everyone suddenly burst(ing) out singing"

This is (very nearly) the first line of my favourite poem in all the world. Its words leapt off the page of our school poetry book and into my mind and heart where they have remained ever since. It was written by Siegfried Sassoon in 1919 after he had come through the First World War and is from his Collected War Poems.
I offer it here, now, in memory of the horror, in respect and admiration for those who lived through it and in deepest sorrow for those who died and for all who suffered in any way.

                Everyone Sang

Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields; on - on - and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun:
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away ... O, but Everyone
Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.



My mother was born in 1914 and, maybe for that reason, that date has always seemed even more significant to me and has perhaps brought home more fully the reality of the outbreak of that terrible war.

I love this poem for the beauty and joy - and the hope - which suffuse its imagery and transcend that horror and always will, or so I choose to believe.

An afterthought on being the parent of someone with a learning disability

There is one line which doesn't ring true when I re-read my last post. It is this:

' To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.'

At the time, I was trying to encourage the couple for whom I wrote the words, but as I read it now, I hear myself saying, as others might, who may happen to read it, "That's bunk. It happened to us and there was nothing special about us at all. We were just ordinary people thrown in at the deep end".

This is, of course, the truth. Some people know straight away that their baby has a disability. For others, it is a slowly dawning realisation. However it happens, the strength and the wisdom and all the other necessary attributes required to deal with the situation almost always come very slowly as we cope from day to day. My 'special' son came into my life fully, aged eight, when I married his dad. To say that our relationship has developed along a very long, slow learning curve would be to put it mildly.

He has been through special school education, a special college course and, in recent years, local authority day service provision, all of which have been excellent. During this time, we have met and come to know many other people in our situation and have never seen anything but the deepest love of parents, families and friends - and staff - for their special person/people. The very nature of the needs of our loved ones seems to draw out this love from us all, despite the tremendous struggles with which many have to deal. Most carers don't even seem to notice these struggles; they just 'get on with it'.

We both feel that we are better people through having a son with special needs in our lives and he has been a blessing and joy to all who know him; this, even though he bosses us about and keeps us on the straight and narrow (or, rather, tries to). (This is only a partial joke!)

Perhaps the truth is that as you learn to cope and deal with your own uniquely individual special one, you grow and find within yourself the love and strength to become the person you need to be. We hope we have.

About being told that the baby you're expecting has .............

..... a higher than normal chance of having ...........(one of many possible problems).

This happened to a couple that we know well.
They were told that their baby had a high risk of having Downs Syndrome. The figures given were 1 in 115, while the normal risk is 1 in 10,000.
However, the risk of a miscarriage as a result of having the test to confirm Downs was even higher. They chose not to have the test.

These were the thoughts that came to me when I was told of their situation.

To be given a baby to be a parent to, is an amazing gift.
To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.
Should that special gift be given to you, as it was to us, and you maybe feel you may not be up to the task, believe me, the grace and strength you need will be given to you.
We would honestly say that being given the privilege of having our special person in our lives has been one of the greatest gifts that life has given us. Whatever we may have been called upon to give to him has been matched and surpassed by the joy that we have received in return. 

I hoped that the message would help that couple.
(Their baby was completely ok, as was the case for another couple we know who had the same experience.)

If anyone who reads this is in the same situation, I can only hope that it might be of some help and encouragement.