About using mantras to help us deal with the hurts of life

In recent months, I have made an addition to my most frequently used mantra, ie 

'Nothing's perfect; no-one's perfect' and it is, 'I'm not perfect!'

This has helped me quite a lot in situations where someone has hurt or upset me. I am not a person who can easily react when hurt. My reaction goes inwards and I brood and 'go over' the injustice or 'unfairness' as I perceive it and cogitate over what I might or could or should have said in response.

I often spend hours writing letters in my head (or sometimes on my notepad) which I rarely send. (On the few occasions when I have actually sent the letters, it has been known to backfire, although sometimes, with the right person, it can be constructive. *See below.)

If, however, in the ensuing moments of a hurtful (to me) incident, I manage to walk away and whisper to myself, "Well maybe I wouldn't have done or said that particular type of thing or behaved in that particular way, but there are many ways in which I fall short of what I believe is the right way to behave.

I have found that this can help to take away the sting.



(*It once took me five years to write a letter to a very close friend to explain how I had felt about a very stinging comment she had made. I was then really scared about what her response might be.
Almost by return of post, she sent me the most lovely reply with a very sincere apology and it restored our friendship to what it was - and still is today - so it can work.)

About anchors

Everyone needs an anchor.

Without an anchor,
we can all so easily be swept away
in the tsunami of life.

About men and women without each other

These two images came to mind recently.

A man without his loved one is like a coat without a body. 
A woman without her loved one is like a body without a coat.

The first of the two may be based on a line in a poem I read in the magazine of the Poetry Society, many years ago, when I was a student at Liverpool University, which has always stayed with me.

"I am a coat on a hanger whose owner is never coming back."

I found that such a vivid image that I have never forgotten it.

These are very broad generalisations, but I feel that there is a certain poetic truth within them.

Some images from nature came into my mind.

Looking at fruit, in particular, an orange has a tough skin and tender fruit An apple has a 'not quite so tough' skin and a 'not quite so tough' fruit. It seems that the tenderness of the fruit complements the toughness of the skin.

The fruit without the skin is worthless, the orange dries up and the apple turns brown. The skins dry out, shrivel up and harden.

Maybe we could say bodies need coats and coats need bodies so maybe the corollary could be made that says men and women in general need each other.

Of course, as with all generalisations, this is never going to always be the case.

About the strengths of men and women

Women have a certain inner strength and men have a certain outer strength.

That is why we need each other.

I mean no disparagement to either
because, of course, men have inner strengths
and women have outer strengths.
I just liked the image.

About cuddles and snuggles

There are very few nicer things in this world
than cuddles and snuggles.

Anecdotes to illustrate why facing and telling the truth is the best policy

One of my Aunties ran a cafe and, when I was about 13 or 14, she let me have her complimentary ticket for the local cinema, which they allocated to local traders. Horror of horrors, but completely typical of my scattered-brained teenage self - I lost it!
I was really scared about telling her but had to face it out. When I plucked up the courage, it turned out that it was just a one-off slip and she could easily replace it. What a relief that was!!

The second tale did not have such a good outcome. Rarely, maybe on just 2 occasions, I pretended to be ill in order to avoid school, because we were going to have a test that I hadn't revised for.
However, sadly for me as it turned out, the test had been put off till the following day when I went back. That taught me a lesson all right!!

About how easily 'bad stuff' can escalate

This was my train of thought, whilst sitting in a coach on the way to the airport after a holiday in Austria.

• Traffic jam - lorries being made late - would they ever try to alter their tachographs to cover the delay.
• "Therese Raquin" by Emile Zola - wife and lover murder husband - need to tell one more lie after another.
• Betting debts - take (ie steal) a small amount of money at first to cover debts - more debt - more money taken - more trouble.

Conclusion: EVERYTHING ESCALATES

Every time we try to cover up our tracks, we create more tracks to hide!

So -
WE SHOULD FACE THE TRUTH - OWN UP - TAKE THE RAP. 
IT'S NEVER AS BAD AS WE THINK IT MIGHT BE.

It's certainly not as bad as one lie leading to another, then another and so on.

So -
THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THIS: 

• TELL THE TRUTH,
• BE, AND SAY, SORRY 
• MAKE AMENDS AS BEST WE CAN.