On finding mantras to help us deal with daily life

A mantra, to me, is a phrase which I can say to myself, to help me deal with the ups and downs of life, the everyday disappointments, hurdles and hurts which seem to crop up all the time. Just when things seem to be nice and settled, relationships running pretty well, house and home generally sorted, whoops, there we go, the apple-cart is upset again!!
Over the years, I've had a few good lines, many of which have disappeared down the drain of my shocking memory. "Take no notice" was a great help ten years ago when husband was giving up smoking, having had a 'gun-at-the-head' health blip! He, of course, has no memory of my need for some sort of mental life belt - so no surprise there, then!
Over recent months, a few helpful words have come to mind, which I felt I'd like to share, in case anyone 'out there on the e-waves' might find them useful when upsetting situations arise.

• No-one's perfect.
• Nothing's perfect.
• Keep your own peace. Don't allow others to disturb you.
• Close your lips and try to remember to consciously breathe in and out.
• Walk away.
• That's the way it is.
• That's the way they are.
• That's the way you (speaking of myself) are.

The trouble is that, of course, I tend to forget to apply them when I should and there I go again, getting terribly upset at hurtful words and the injustices and inequities of life in general and mine in particular!

What I would really like do is stamp my feet and fly into a rage but, in my case, I'm too bothered about what people think of me and also scared of them shouting back at me which generally makes me want to cry. That's the seven-year old still living inside me, I reckon!
It's so easy to be philosophical after the event, I find; ah well, keep trying, eh.

On the difference between the English and Welsh football teams

On chatting over the result yesterday evening with son, S, we spoke of the marvellous spirit of the Welsh team. It was obvious that they played with a passion for and pride in their country and their team, which was marvellously reflected by the Welsh supporters. The overwhelming judgement of our team has, understandably enough, been quite the reverse, but are we being fair to them.
Do we, the people of England, feel that kind of passion for our country? I don't think we do, so why should we expect eleven footballers to take on a mantle which we have not been able to supply. We pay them a lot of money, they receive our adulation, but is that enough? Obviously not, I'd say. How could we develop that identity in which we could take pride.
Perhaps now is the time to look at our society in general and ask some searching questions along those lines. We have so much to be proud of but we need, I believe, to return to the kind of values which almost seem to be unfashionable in these times, co-operation, discipline, effort, fair play, good manners, hard work, inventiveness, justice.
Shouldn't we rather lose the game (of life) having played (lived) in this manner than win (live) in any other way.

On 'All in the Mind' and the great suicidal lie

We watched a very moving documentary last week, called 'All in the Mind'. It was made by the conductor of the choir 'Only Men Aloud', Tim Rhys-Evans, and concerned his gradual descent into depression, which ended in a severe mental breakdown, and his continued efforts to deal with his mental health.
It was an open and honest attempt to overcome the stigma and secrecy which still surround this terrible illness and, hopefully, to help others who may be in a similar situation.
As he spoke of the suicidal thoughts which began to plague him, this one line struck me; "They'll be better off without me."
This is one of the great lies that inner demons would have us believe.
Perfectionism and feelings of worthlessness also featured in his struggles.
If only those who battle with these issues could realise that many, if not most, people are struggling in one way or another, at one time or another, living in the throes and woes of imperfection, of getting things wrong, of failings and failures (and worse), not one of which, MOST IMPORTANTLY, is the end of the world - or , at least, shouldn't be!!!!!

May these lies be seen for what they are and may all those affected in a similar way, find family, friends - and medical staff, if need be - who will help to see them through and 'keep them alive in famine'.

On remaining

Please don't pull up the draw bridge, people of our countries.
Don't try to shut out the world. It doesn't work.
We are the world and the world is us.
We are each others brothers and sisters.
Today, they may need us.
Tomorrow, we may need them.

On 'special' (to us) pieces of music - 'Where Corals Lie' by Edward Elgar

Do you find that there are some pieces of music which make you stop in your tracks and really listen. I still have the urge to turn the volume up, as in the days of my youth!
This song is one such for me. It is on the CD that I'm playing at the moment.
Sung by Janet Baker, it is perfection. I LOVE it. It's slightly eerie and hauntingly beautiful; lovely.

On the transitory nature of things

Everything we have, whether good or bad, is, 

in the great scheme of things, 
fleeting, transitory.

May we learn to treasure what we have that is good,
while we have it, rather than bemoan its loss;
and withstand what is bad, while it lasts,
knowing and trusting that it will pass.

On the wonders and mysteries of the 'combi' boiler

The title of this post came to me shortly after the installation of our new boiler. Its advantages were immediately apparent but so were some initial puzzles. In recent months it had its third annual service!! (My wheels do grind extremely slowly, I know!) Perhaps it's as well because I feel as though I've finally come to grips with it.
To start with the wonders, well, firstly, it's saved us a lot of money, living, as we do, in a Victorian semi, with excessive lengths of inaccessible and uninsulated water pipes. Also, we no longer have to worry about emptying the hot water tank with more than one bath!
The water is only heated when needed and can be warm in the middle of the night (when people of our age (ie over 60) may very well need to use it). All the water in the house is fresh and drinkable, coming as it does directly from the mains, rather than standing in an open tank in the loft, collecting flies and other unmentionables.
There were a few problems initially, such as the very fierce pressure of the cold water in the kitchen, which wore out quite a good tap rather too quickly but that has been adjusted and is fine now, as is the new tap!!
The greatest problem was waiting for the hot water to come through! Having been a maths teacher, and priding myself on understanding the principle of 'inverse proportion' (think 'number of people sharing a cake'; in our case, less water, same heat should give hotter water!), I thought I was being clever by running the water slowly.
It took an absolute age for the water to come through hot; very frustrating. When someone suggested running it fast at first, I was inwardly dubious but to my puzzlement (and dudgeon) it worked.
Then, it hit me! I had forgotten about the afore-mentioned lengths of water pipes. The water only starts to warm up as it leaves the boiler as soon as the tap is turned on, so all the cold water which is in the pipes already has to be run off first. So, fast at first, slowing down when the warm water starts to come through was the answer to that problem.
My next issue was topping up the bath water! Being a lover of a long soak in the bath, when I tried to heat the water up, the tap would run pockets of cold, then hot water and so on, until it reached a steady state, by which time the overall temperature was colder than before and the bath way too full.
(We have a long history of water coming through the ceiling and down the light fitting below into our dining room. (Honestly, I'm not exaggerating, it's true!!)) Also, the over bath shower, which I use at the end of the bath, was freezing cold. Now that really was a tragedy!
Oh the joy when, a month or so ago, I finally hit on the answer to both problems. I run the bath from the shower head!! I start it off and when it's get-in-able, I turn the water down to a trickle and allow it to slowly run in until I'm ready to shower and emerge, clean - and very warm!! Oh, it's absolutely gorgeous and it's only taken me 3 and a bit years to finally crack the mysteries of the blessed combi boiler!!