If we don't believe in ourselves, we are a pain in the neck, both to ourselves and to other people.
We should look around and realise that no-one is perfect and learn to live with with our own imperfections.
If we are constantly aware of them, constantly comparing ourselves to others (one of my worst failings), it is wearing and self-obsessive.
(This was another of my 'snippets and fragments' on a scrap of paper which can now be assigned to the bin; hooray!)
Monday, 25 August 2014
Friday, 22 August 2014
About "Everyone suddenly burst(ing) out singing"
This is (very nearly) the first line of my favourite poem in all the world. Its words leapt off the page of our school poetry book and into my mind and heart where they have remained ever since. It was written by Siegfried Sassoon in 1919 after he had come through the First World War and is from his Collected War Poems.
I offer it here, now, in memory of the horror, in respect and admiration for those who lived through it and in deepest sorrow for those who died and for all who suffered in any way.
Everyone Sang
Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields; on - on - and out of sight.
Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun:
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away ... O, but Everyone
Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.
My mother was born in 1914 and, maybe for that reason, that date has always seemed even more significant to me and has perhaps brought home more fully the reality of the outbreak of that terrible war.
I love this poem for the beauty and joy - and the hope - which suffuse its imagery and transcend that horror and always will, or so I choose to believe.
Thursday, 7 August 2014
An afterthought on being the parent of someone with a learning disability
There is one line which doesn't ring true when I re-read my last post. It is this:
' To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.'
At the time, I was trying to encourage the couple for whom I wrote the words, but as I read it now, I hear myself saying, as others might, who may happen to read it, "That's bunk. It happened to us and there was nothing special about us at all. We were just ordinary people thrown in at the deep end".
This is, of course, the truth. Some people know straight away that their baby has a disability. For others, it is a slowly dawning realisation. However it happens, the strength and the wisdom and all the other necessary attributes required to deal with the situation almost always come very slowly as we cope from day to day. My 'special' son came into my life fully, aged eight, when I married his dad. To say that our relationship has developed along a very long, slow learning curve would be to put it mildly.
He has been through special school education, a special college course and, in recent years, local authority day service provision, all of which have been excellent. During this time, we have met and come to know many other people in our situation and have never seen anything but the deepest love of parents, families and friends - and staff - for their special person/people. The very nature of the needs of our loved ones seems to draw out this love from us all, despite the tremendous struggles with which many have to deal. Most carers don't even seem to notice these struggles; they just 'get on with it'.
We both feel that we are better people through having a son with special needs in our lives and he has been a blessing and joy to all who know him; this, even though he bosses us about and keeps us on the straight and narrow (or, rather, tries to). (This is only a partial joke!)
Perhaps the truth is that as you learn to cope and deal with your own uniquely individual special one, you grow and find within yourself the love and strength to become the person you need to be. We hope we have.
' To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.'
At the time, I was trying to encourage the couple for whom I wrote the words, but as I read it now, I hear myself saying, as others might, who may happen to read it, "That's bunk. It happened to us and there was nothing special about us at all. We were just ordinary people thrown in at the deep end".
This is, of course, the truth. Some people know straight away that their baby has a disability. For others, it is a slowly dawning realisation. However it happens, the strength and the wisdom and all the other necessary attributes required to deal with the situation almost always come very slowly as we cope from day to day. My 'special' son came into my life fully, aged eight, when I married his dad. To say that our relationship has developed along a very long, slow learning curve would be to put it mildly.
He has been through special school education, a special college course and, in recent years, local authority day service provision, all of which have been excellent. During this time, we have met and come to know many other people in our situation and have never seen anything but the deepest love of parents, families and friends - and staff - for their special person/people. The very nature of the needs of our loved ones seems to draw out this love from us all, despite the tremendous struggles with which many have to deal. Most carers don't even seem to notice these struggles; they just 'get on with it'.
We both feel that we are better people through having a son with special needs in our lives and he has been a blessing and joy to all who know him; this, even though he bosses us about and keeps us on the straight and narrow (or, rather, tries to). (This is only a partial joke!)
Perhaps the truth is that as you learn to cope and deal with your own uniquely individual special one, you grow and find within yourself the love and strength to become the person you need to be. We hope we have.
Sunday, 3 August 2014
About being told that the baby you're expecting has .............
..... a higher than normal chance of having ...........(one of many possible problems).
This happened to a couple that we know well.
They were told that their baby had a high risk of having Downs Syndrome. The figures given were 1 in 115, while the normal risk is 1 in 10,000.
However, the risk of a miscarriage as a result of having the test to confirm Downs was even higher. They chose not to have the test.
These were the thoughts that came to me when I was told of their situation.
To be given a baby to be a parent to, is an amazing gift.
To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.
Should that special gift be given to you, as it was to us, and you maybe feel you may not be up to the task, believe me, the grace and strength you need will be given to you.
We would honestly say that being given the privilege of having our special person in our lives has been one of the greatest gifts that life has given us. Whatever we may have been called upon to give to him has been matched and surpassed by the joy that we have received in return.
I hoped that the message would help that couple.
(Their baby was completely ok, as was the case for another couple we know who had the same experience.)
If anyone who reads this is in the same situation, I can only hope that it might be of some help and encouragement.
This happened to a couple that we know well.
They were told that their baby had a high risk of having Downs Syndrome. The figures given were 1 in 115, while the normal risk is 1 in 10,000.
However, the risk of a miscarriage as a result of having the test to confirm Downs was even higher. They chose not to have the test.
These were the thoughts that came to me when I was told of their situation.
To be given a baby to be a parent to, is an amazing gift.
To be given a special baby is a privilege only given to special people.
Should that special gift be given to you, as it was to us, and you maybe feel you may not be up to the task, believe me, the grace and strength you need will be given to you.
We would honestly say that being given the privilege of having our special person in our lives has been one of the greatest gifts that life has given us. Whatever we may have been called upon to give to him has been matched and surpassed by the joy that we have received in return.
I hoped that the message would help that couple.
(Their baby was completely ok, as was the case for another couple we know who had the same experience.)
If anyone who reads this is in the same situation, I can only hope that it might be of some help and encouragement.
Wednesday, 2 July 2014
A very short postscript on the biscuits
One thing I forgot to mention is that, quite honestly, those I've made don't look anything like those in the packets, in fact, they look a bit messy; but, as Delia always says, it's the taste that matters and that was great.
If you try them, your efforts might look much better than mine but mainly, I hope you love the taste. xx
If you try them, your efforts might look much better than mine but mainly, I hope you love the taste. xx
Wednesday, 25 June 2014
A very easy Digestive Biscuit Recipe
Ingredients: (These amounts make about 24 biscuits)
1. 4oz / 100g wholemeal self-raising flour
2. 4oz / 100g self-raising flour
3. A pinch of salt
4. 5oz / 150g spread
5. 4oz / 100g caster sugar
6. Flour for dusting
Method:
1. Mix the flours and salt in a bowl.
2. Add the spread and sugar and work together to form a dough.
3. Knead into a ball and wrap in cling film. Chill for 30 minutes.
4. Roll out thinly on a lightly floured board and cut into rounds using a 3in ./ 7.5cm cutter.
5. Place on lightly greased baking sheets and prick with a fork.
6, Bake in a preheated oven at 180*C (160* Fan oven) / 350*F / gas mark 4 for 20 minutes until golden.
7. Leave to cool for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
Store in an airtight container.
To turn these into the 'ultimate treat!, try this:
8. Melt 100g chocolate and spread over the biscuits and leave to cool and set.
(I break the chocolate into pieces and place on an enamel plate over a pan of boiling water.)
PS I use 'Pure' olive or sunflower spread, available from Tesco or Asda, which is very nice tasting, easy to use and dairy-free (good for me).
PPS I'd really like to encourage everyone to try using the old measurements, ozs etc. The numbers (and ratios, if you wish to change amounts) are so much easier (because they are smaller and easier to remember) and if more people use them, there'll be more chance of these far more sensible units surviving, or at least still being given on recipes together with the metric units.
If you try them, I do hope you like them as much as I do, and find them as easy to make.
Acknowledgement:
This recipe is taken from DAIRY-FREE LACTOSE-FREE DIET PLAN FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS'
by Carolyn Humphries
This is an excellent book which I can highly recommend.
1. 4oz / 100g wholemeal self-raising flour
2. 4oz / 100g self-raising flour
3. A pinch of salt
4. 5oz / 150g spread
5. 4oz / 100g caster sugar
6. Flour for dusting
Method:
1. Mix the flours and salt in a bowl.
2. Add the spread and sugar and work together to form a dough.
3. Knead into a ball and wrap in cling film. Chill for 30 minutes.
4. Roll out thinly on a lightly floured board and cut into rounds using a 3in ./ 7.5cm cutter.
5. Place on lightly greased baking sheets and prick with a fork.
6, Bake in a preheated oven at 180*C (160* Fan oven) / 350*F / gas mark 4 for 20 minutes until golden.
7. Leave to cool for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.
Store in an airtight container.
To turn these into the 'ultimate treat!, try this:
8. Melt 100g chocolate and spread over the biscuits and leave to cool and set.
(I break the chocolate into pieces and place on an enamel plate over a pan of boiling water.)
PS I use 'Pure' olive or sunflower spread, available from Tesco or Asda, which is very nice tasting, easy to use and dairy-free (good for me).
PPS I'd really like to encourage everyone to try using the old measurements, ozs etc. The numbers (and ratios, if you wish to change amounts) are so much easier (because they are smaller and easier to remember) and if more people use them, there'll be more chance of these far more sensible units surviving, or at least still being given on recipes together with the metric units.
If you try them, I do hope you like them as much as I do, and find them as easy to make.
Acknowledgement:
This recipe is taken from DAIRY-FREE LACTOSE-FREE DIET PLAN FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS'
by Carolyn Humphries
This is an excellent book which I can highly recommend.
Monday, 16 June 2014
About making 'Chocolate Digestives' for the first time! / Plus some hints on fighting binge-eating.
I can't tell you the excitement I felt when, one Sunday morning a few weeks ago, I melted my dairy-free (that meant I could eat it) chocolate and successfully coated the biscuits I'd made the day before. Half a bar (100 g) covered 24 of them; WHAT JOY!
In my days of binge-eating (more on that another day, perhaps) I could eat a whole packet of the 'proper' ones, so to have these as my home-made Sunday treat was more than a bonus.
(The biscuit recipe is a doddle so I'll add it on another post, in case anyone wants to try it.)
The extra bonus is that I've extended my Sunday treat rule to include Bank Holidays and added two pieces of chocolate after lunch and in the evening. For recovering binge-eaters like myself, what seems to work for me is that if I give myself 'permission' to have something, I'm not then tempted to go into the "I've done something wrong" (eating-wise) mode so the 'in for a penny, in for a pound' self-destructive mode has not been going into operation.
I never say never again but this latest phase has been the most successful of my entire life and has lasted about 6 years or longer. I'm as near to being a 'sylph' (and that's a long way off) as I'm ever likely to be!
So home-made chocolate digestives have become a regular, and, I'm pleased to say, very popular Sunday treat with us all (but most especially with me - Sunday treat heaven!!)!
In my days of binge-eating (more on that another day, perhaps) I could eat a whole packet of the 'proper' ones, so to have these as my home-made Sunday treat was more than a bonus.
(The biscuit recipe is a doddle so I'll add it on another post, in case anyone wants to try it.)
The extra bonus is that I've extended my Sunday treat rule to include Bank Holidays and added two pieces of chocolate after lunch and in the evening. For recovering binge-eaters like myself, what seems to work for me is that if I give myself 'permission' to have something, I'm not then tempted to go into the "I've done something wrong" (eating-wise) mode so the 'in for a penny, in for a pound' self-destructive mode has not been going into operation.
I never say never again but this latest phase has been the most successful of my entire life and has lasted about 6 years or longer. I'm as near to being a 'sylph' (and that's a long way off) as I'm ever likely to be!
So home-made chocolate digestives have become a regular, and, I'm pleased to say, very popular Sunday treat with us all (but most especially with me - Sunday treat heaven!!)!
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